The Pages of Our Crazy Life

Child Hurricanes

2010-06-19T19:03:00.005-07:00

One of the aspects of our new house that we enjoy the most is that it comes with built in friends for the kids. We are at the back of a driveway shared with three other houses. The house beside us back here has three boys ages 8, 5, and 2. Combine four active kids (the toddler is certainly active, but not much of a bike rider) and a long, cement driveway and you're guaranteed many, many hours of biking, skating, scootering, skateboarding, wall-ball, and basketball.

Most often, George is off by himself; but when he joins in, the others are very good about including him. Emma and the older boy have become great friends and are very evenly matched in humor, energy, and silliness. The five year old is almost always along, but is suffering from having his big brother's attention pulled away by this new long-haired interloper. His reaction is to get in Emma's face and bug, taunt, and pick at her until she is screaming with frustration and goes inside. Usually, within a half hour, they're all back outside again, having fun until the next whirlwind fight.

Yesterday, hearing a louder-than-usual screaming match, I headed outside. The boys had already left and a sobbing Emma was pushing bikes into the garage. We sat on the steps to talk and she filled me in. As the usual jealousy led to the usual arguments, Emma must have yelled to the older brother something about how she hated his younger brother. The usually diplomatic big brother leaped to the defense of his sibling and both boys began yelling at her about her "stupid" brother who was "worthless" and "doesn't know how to do anything".

And the mama rage erupted.

But I kept calm and we talked about how that felt and how much we love George. We talked about his strengths and how much he's grown over the last year. And what a good sister she is to him. Then Daddy came home from the store and was filled in.

And the daddy rage erupted.

But I calmed him down and we decided to wait a day before going over to our neighbor's house to ~~kick their butts~~ discuss the situation.

Luckily, today we were able to think more rationally and realize that this wasn't necessarily an attack on George. Our knee-jerk reaction as special needs parents is to protect first, think later. But in this case, it was just a normal kid fight that had escalated to the "your brother's dumber than my brother" level. We spoke to the father today and he agreed, but also took some time to talk to his sons about Autism (which he had also done when we first moved in).

Half an hour later, it was back to driveway races as usual. With all kids equally involved. Hearing George call, "Come on, guys, follow me!" and watching the others chase after him did our hearts good. It was a normal summer afternoon. Normal in a way we're still getting used to.

(It's no longer Sock Love Thursday)

2010-06-05T09:38:00.005-07:00

Let's see now, it's June. Huh. And I've updated all of twice this year. Sorry about that.

Winter was hard this year. I had to step away from the computer a bit and instead of writing about life, I tried to actually, you know, live it. Exercise, keeping the kids busy, getting my health back on track (Did you know that six months of snacking and eating nothing fresh will pack on the pounds? I know! Shocking!); basically just digging my way out of the 3 foot radius around my desk and the fog within my head.

How exactly have we spent the last five months? Let's look at the calendar, shall we?
Hockey & ice skating
Dental surgery for George (and all the involved paperwork)
Emma turned nine (NINE!???)
Field trips
Huge graphic design project for Bridgeway House
George's IEP for next year (and all the involved paperwork)
Lost 20 pounds
Jason came home from Iraq
Family vacation to Disneyland
Bought and moved into a new house

(Oh, and those last three things? All happened within three weeks. We're ready for summer break now, please.)

I'll try to be around more often with lots of pictures!

Sock Love Thursday

2010-02-05T07:21:00.002-08:00

From the time he was born, George has always loved textures. Anything soft gets taken immediately to his cheek, where it is lovingly rubbed. Usually, George likes to share his soft things and brings them to me to rub against my cheek. His voice goes into a higher range than usual as he exclaims, "Feel it, Mom. It's so soooooft, ahhhhhh!"

Imagine my delight when he decided the dirty socks from last night's hockey practice were today's soft thing.

Can you resist the adoration on that face? I can not. Happy Love Thursday. May you find a soft thing to bring you comfort today.

Daily Bits

2010-01-17T09:43:00.002-08:00

It's so strange to me when I have stories to share and yet the words won't come. I've done a lot of spiraling up and down this week. January seems to have that effect on many people, especially special needs parents. December is filled with the usual anticipation of holidays and season changes that we all gear up for. The tension of riding them out, wondering how our kids will handle them. Then the transition back into school and routine, which is often bumpy. We hold ourselves so tightly for so long, and then January releases the valve and we're depleted. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It creates room for something new. Makes us take a breath, think, rest.

Emma was home sick all week with what was eventually diagnosed as strep throat. Poor girl was nauseous and fatigued for two days. I was so concerned with flu-like symptoms that I completely ignored the fact that she had mentioned a sore throat. Turns out it was BRIGHT red with BIG white bumps on it, obvious strep. Whoops! Score one for the inattentive mom!

The Transformer costume with fancy noises and voice altering capabilities was purchased for $60 by Santa. The other, with a thin polyester jumpsuit and sharp plastic mask, in the clearance aisle at Target for $3. Guess which one is played in daily?

With little boy sweetness, the other night, George looked me in the eyes and said, "Mom, you're my first friend." Awwwwww. (I'm choosing to ignore the fact that this was probably scripted from some video. He used it appropriately and it melted my heart, that's good enough for me.)

Emma and I went ice skating the other night to make up for the class she missed earlier in the week. After her one and only fall, she started to brush the ice off her pants and then stopped. She declared, "I'm going to leave it so everyone can see that I fall sometimes, too." Obviously, we need to check into the possibility of late entries for the 2010 Winter Olympics. I love watching her confidence bloom in this new activity!

This long holiday weekend, we've done something fun every day (ice skating, kids-night-in club for George, swimming, visits to a favorite reptile store, library, etc.). Slowly, my kids are helping me recharge, showing me how easy it is to find delight, and opening my eyes to the little details that bring life to this new year.

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so." ~Mary Jean Iron

Memories

2010-01-11T15:30:00.003-08:00

I spent some of the weekend creating a book out of the blog I maintained before this one. It covered most of 2005 and into 2006. Because it was in an outdated format, I had to copy and paste every entry into the book software (Blurb, if you're looking to do the same; it will "slurp" most current blog formats automatically). I finished the 2005 entries late last night and it was an interesting walk down memory lane. Some of it was silly, there weren't nearly enough photos, and, frankly, there wasn't much of any substance. But it helped me remember a few things, got me to look at photos I haven't thought of in years, and made me laugh at my optimism. (Not that I'm a pessimist, but that early blog was like reading a yearlong Christmas newsletter; not exactly real life.)

2005 was the year that George began speech therapy through the school district (we had to wait until he was two before they would work with him). It was also the year before he received his formal Autism diagnosis. I say "formal" because I had known from the time he was 18 months old that we were probably headed somewhere in that general direction, but it took until October of '06 to get into the specialist's office. (In Virginia, where we lived at the time, you had to have a medical diagnosis to receive special education services.) I read this piece of an entry from September 2005 and laaauuuggghhhheeedddd:

George had some testing with the school district speech therapist on Wednesday. He didn't make much noise, but apparently enough for her to make a determination. What is that determination, you ask? I have no idea. She has to "report her findings" to the school board officials, they will mail me a letter asking me to call them to schedule another meeting. At which time George and I will again report to the therapist (but this time the board official in charge of this kind of thing will be there), and only then will I get to know what she thinks and where we'll go from there. Fun! Couldn't possibly let the worried parents know anything right away. Oh no, it makes much more sense to go through three other steps first. I guess we're well into the system now and have to play by their rules.

If I knew then what I know now, oh lordy. The paperwork, the back and forth between dozens of "officials", the rules, the system! We are so lucky to live where we do now, the available services are excellent, but every year there are so many hoops to jump through. Just today I spent several hours filling out insurance paperwork that required me to sift through George's medical file and make copies of his IEP. The shear amount of paper involved is staggering. And there are at least three people from whom I need signatures to verify the diagnosis he's had for more than three years.

But we do it. We get the signatures, fill out the forms, call dozens of officials. And eventually our once non-verbal children look at us and tell us we look goofy. It's totally worth it.

Saturday Scrapping

2010-01-09T10:30:00.002-08:00

Journaling:
When your brother began playing Ice Hockey, you were beyond jealous. Prior to that, neither of you had ever been on the ice, and you (as big sister) ought to have been the first to try it! As soon as we could, we signed you up for ice skating (you prefer the term “figure skating”) lessons. And you love them! You spent almost two hours on the ice before you had your first fall. I don’t know how I ended up with two kids with such good balance, but I’m so glad you have found an activity you enjoy so much! I’m stocking up on hats & gloves because it looks like I’ll be spending a lot of time at the ice rink from now on! January 5, 2010

Really? With the Whining? And the Screaming?

2010-01-08T09:50:00.003-08:00

Whenever our schedule changes, or a vacation goes on a bit too long, or we return to routine, or the moon is in the seventh house, or the cat walks through the room, or he wants to laugh in the face of my praise over his accomplishments....George regresses a bit.

Now, academically, he's doing great, retained his skills through the vacation, teachers are pleased, I'm still happy with all the words and full sentences I'm seeing and hearing. But behaviorally, George is, shall we say, a bit of a challenge these days. I don't think he's doing much worse than any of the Kindergarteners this week, as they all adjust once again to early mornings and structure. But when George doesn't want to do something he gets loud.

George, time to get dressed.
NO, Mom, NO! Just keep playing! Aaaarrrrrggghhh!!!!
Here, George, the toy you were looking for.
No, Mom, not Thomas, I want Transformer! Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!
Wait your turn in line, Buddy.
EEAaahhhhhiiiiiiaaarrrggghhhh!!!
Do you want an Oreo?
NO, Mom, no....YES, MOM, I WANT OREO! Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

See? So. Much. Fun. He has a whine that seems to be the soundtrack to his days lately, a constant undercurrent that has the ability to shave my patience to bits in a matter of minutes. Even when it's not directed at something in particular, the sound is ongoing. I think it's like keeping a car engine warm. He maintains the sound so when he needs it to ramp up, he doesn't have to exert much effort.

So this week? I'm working on Maintaining Patience, on Not Locking My Child In His Room, on teaching him to Use His Words, on Not Locking Myself In My Room. (And, apparently, on Using Multiple Commas in Every Sentence.)

Next week: Teaching Children to Mix Mommy's Favorite Drinks. (Just kidding!) (Really!) (Maybe.)

Words

2010-01-03T12:24:00.006-08:00

The other day, I sat down at the computer and found an open Word document with the following list:

1234567891020100
George
Daddy
Emma
momy
car
stop
go
AJ (teacher's name, Hi AJ!)
camp
on
off
tomas
daddy
tran (train)
cat
dog

For the last few years, I've been watching the slightly older, autistic sons of friends, marveling over their accomplishments and wondering where, academically, George would fit in as he grew. I'd see pictures of Simon reading, and think, "Will George read?" I'd grade papers from Emma's classmate, Sam, and think, "Will George write?" I'd have conversations with Garrett and think, "Will we be able to have real conversations with George someday?"

Intellectually, I knew that someday, yes. Of course he would do all those things; in his own time, in his own way.

One of the aspects of having a kid with Autism that I love most (yes, there are many things that are lovable about Autism) is found within George's developmental delays. I think it's fairly common that the natural developments of any second child tend to be overlooked. The first child's every move, change, growth is noticed and documented. The next child? Not so much.

But then a child with Autism comes along and each move, change, and growth is late. And because it's late, it's noticed when it does show up.

The other day I realized that in addition to the "yes/no" answers I was getting to my questions, George would follow those up with an explanation. No big deal to some, but to us? Huge. When I saw him go into the kitchen the other day, I asked him if he was getting a snack. As expected, he answered, "yes" and I went back to what I was doing. But then, a moment later, I heard him say, "I'm just getting a granola bar, Mom." Aside from the fact that he was getting a snack without asking first, I was thrilled, and it made me realize that he's been giving me explanations like this for a couple of months now. For any other six year old, that might be no big deal, but for a kid who often needs "scripts" to use in communication, this spontaneous speech makes me forgive him for his snack-sneaking!

Earlier today he asked me, "What are you doing [with] Daddy's tools, Mom?" "Hanging a mirror," I replied. "Why are you hanging a mirror, Mom?" "To replace the one that broke, Buddy." "Why did [the] mirror broke, Mom?" This type of never-ending back and forth may sound familiar to parents of toddlers, but it's new for us. Conversation, real conversation.

George isn't reading yet, though there are some words he recognizes if he takes the time to focus on them. Instead, he's writing. That list was his. He had opened the Word program himself, set the font to size 24 as he prefers, and written a list of words. All by himself. And his favorite game during this school break is sounding out words, letter by letter. He's fascinated by that process. It's only a matter of time before he realizes that he can both break the words apart and then put them back together. Reading. It's coming; in his own way, in his own time.

Talking to Thomas

2010-01-02T17:45:00.002-08:00

Journaling:
One of the biggest surprises this Christmas was the huge Thomas the Train lawn ornament waiting for you in Gramma & Papa’s living room. You were in awe and spent most of the day sitting with him, showing him your presents, and "talking to Thomas". Later in the weekend, we'd find him angled in towards the TV or wherever you were playing!

Looking Back (12 months of photos)

2009-12-31T08:00:00.002-08:00

Wandering through Flickr, remembering the year through photos.
It was a hard year, but in so many ways, a very good year.

January:
We enjoyed one of our favorite beach spots

George learned to sit (fairly) still at the barbershop like a big boy

February:
Emma was having a rough school year, but growing so much as a person

Thomas Live caused George to nearly explode with joy

March:
Emma turned eight

The kids went on their first train ride

More trips to the beach

April:
Went to RideAble for the first time

Spring (and bug hunting season) began

May:
Sucked

But we survived

June:
We went on vacation (and caught more critters)

Enjoyed the beginnings of Summer, and learned how to slow down and enjoy each other

July:
A family reunion for the 4th of July, so much fun!

Pieces of home, far away

George turned six

August:
Met up with virtual friends in California

George's first time at the County Fair (something we look forward to all year)

September:
Kindergarten & Third Grade, both my babies in the same school

Getting used to early mornings again

October:
Our first sports experience...Hockey!

Rainy days

Halloween fun

November:
Missing Daddy

Spending time (in the cold) at the farm

December:
A special surprise for the kiddos

Traditions

It was VERY cold

Lego smiles and Transformer jazz hands, a perfect Christmas morning!

Thank you for joining our family throughout 2009, we're looking forward to a wonderful 2010!

A Sodier's Christmas Letter Home

2009-12-29T12:37:00.004-08:00

We're in our Post-Christmas Recovery period. The house is a wreck, tempers are getting short, and everyone is getting sick of sugary foods. Until my brain can function again, I'd like to share with you (with Jason's permission) part of the letter he wrote to us and his parents on Christmas. He had had a pretty terrible day; nothing life-threatening, but filled with work frustrations and the general depression that comes from being half a world away on Christmas. The letter detailed the day of work where he was unsuccessfully trying to get awards approved for many of his soldiers, but then ended with this:

...I called home via video and saw my kids with the new gifts that Santa had brought and how excited they were. Emma was so anxious to start building her her Lego set and George was busy being a Transformer in his new Thomas the Train PJ's...you should see the pictures...they show such happiness. I step outside to let my eyes dry out a little bit and as I walk around my living area I hear Soldiers laughing, chillin' to music through their doors and several outside exchanging their own Christmas traditions with each other. I am so privileged to be amongst such great people. Whether they know it or not, they motivate me in so many ways. Then I realized, we aren't getting shot at, or rocketed. Convoys are at a minimum and those I did see throughout the day had garland straps on the most massive up armored vehicles you have seen. I saw Soldiers in full battle gear today laughing with full combat ammunition lads walking to their convoys wearing Santa hats. I watched my kids bounce up and down with joys at the sight of their new gifts. My family is safe, the sky is clear and the night is quiet with no one asking for an award of any caliber... all is calm.

For all of this I am thankful. I have the most supportive and loving family and am surrounded by some of the most amazing people who are willing to give everything and ask for nothing. There are no perfect awards nor are there the most perfect people, but there are ones you love and trust. I am a lucky man to have what I have and only hope others can have a part of what I have. My Christmas was awesome and I wish you and yours a very Special Christmas and a safe and happy new year. My gift you ask...easy...I'm thankful for what I have.

The Peace of Christmas

2009-12-24T12:57:00.002-08:00

Jason returned to work in the wee hours of the morning on the last day of school before winter holidays. I had a list of activities, travels, and crafts to fill the suddenly emtpy time and house. But day after day, for the last week, the kids have surprised me. Instead of needing distraction and comfort, they have been relaxed, lazy, and independent. We all sleep in late every day, nobody gets dressed until lunch, and they play happily with new toys and video games.

I had feared the second separation from Jason would be harder than the first, but it seems I was wrong. It was heart wrenching, for sure, as George understood the implications of Daddy saying good-bye in a way he hadn't previously. But, by understanding, he was able to deal with it more quickly and move on. Emma sent Daddy on his way with a smile and a wonderful, funny letter about the proper way to catch desert lizards. They both talk about Daddy often, and the Daddy Dolls have participated in many adventures this week; but now they see that, though he goes away for long amounts of time, he does return. And the peace we've experienced this week shows me that our temporary family of three has returned to the comfortable routines we established during the previous six months. We can do this.

Happy Holidays from our family to all of you.

Christmas Morning, Round One

2009-12-12T09:36:00.004-08:00

Before & After:

There is something to be said for celebrating multiple Christmas mornings:

Many opportunities to eat donuts for breakfast.

Kids don't get overwhelmed with too many presents at once.

Seeing happy faces as presents get opened.

Shopping is done, EARLY.

Kids are totally occupied for the weekend.

Merry December 12th everyone!

Surrounded

2009-12-10T16:47:00.002-08:00

This week, the temperatures have hovered around 10. At one point is was 8. EIGHT degrees. As my friend Becky posted on Facebook, "8 is not a temperature. It is an age. It is the number of cookies I might eat at one time. It is not supposed to be EIGHT in Oregon." It being cold, very cold, our activities have been a bit more limited than I would like.

Yesterday, the woman who runs Rideable called and confirmed my fears that all classes had been cancelled for the week. But then she said, "but if you want to, bring the kids anyway." She went on to say that she knew Emma really misses the animals when we can't go out there, and that George would have fun just running around in the pasture and stomping all the ice-covered puddles in the paddock. She knows my kids, and loves them, loves seeing them enjoy the farm. There was no therapy, no purpose to the visit, other than a chance to be there.

Our family has come into contact with so many great people and organizations over the last couple of years. I know a lot of people struggle in their journey with Autism and other special needs. Perhaps we've been lucky, or perhaps this town is filled with an unusual number of exceptional teachers, therapists, parents, and friends. Whatever it is, I'm so glad to be surrounded by their knowledge and support, and I hope I'm able to provide the same when needed. Happy Love Thursday.

Choosing a Tree

2009-12-06T08:40:00.002-08:00

Choosing the Christmas tree is an important tradition in our family. And it is one that I was most worried about this year. It's the beginning of our holiday season, the day that all decorations are pulled up from the basement, and an activity we do as a family. Until a few weeks ago, I'd been trying to figure out how I would tweak day of activities to fill in the missing piece. As it turned out, no tweaking was necessary.

I could even sit back once we got it home, and let someone else wrangle the tree lights! It's so hard for kids to wait through that part of the process, and thinking about how I'd get it done without losing my patience with their "helping" was raising my blood pressure.

The kids did all the decorating themselves, with just a bit of help for the higher branches. This was the first year George took an active part. Previously, he would load one branch with about a dozen ornaments and then spend the rest of the time spinning through the house.

And best of all, the tradition that Emma was most worried about? Placing the star. Daddy always lifts her up to put it on when everything else is done. I could have lifted her (though not as easily) and we would have gotten the star placed, but I'm not Daddy. But this guy is, and they got it done.

We won't have him here for Christmas, but sometimes? It's not the presents and new pajamas and cinnamon rolls that make the season memorable. It's the traditions, the support, the laughter, the love, and the beauty.

My Current Favorite Photo

2009-12-03T09:48:00.002-08:00

It's not the best photo I've ever taken. But it's definitely the one that makes me smile the most. Why? Because it was taken last night, after we were able to "go to the airport, pick Daddy up, okay Mommy?"

Happy Love Thursday to all of your families! Ours will be intact for two weeks, we plan on making the most of that time.

Best Way to Spend a Cold Day

2009-11-30T14:58:00.002-08:00

Gather wood, lots of it.

Build a pretty fire.

Add LOTS more wood! (From a safe distance.)

Roast marshmallows. Mmmmmmmmm.

Eat marshmallows (along with lots of chocolate & graham crackers!)

Build a silly sandman while sugar overload coarses through your body!

Still recovering from from stuffing ourselves with amazing amounts of amazing food. Today's report from George's aide was that he was very distracted, wiggly, and bossy to the other kids. Gotta love a long weekend for throwing these kids completely out of routine, every time!

Lots of fun stuff going on around here this week with fun holiday surprises for the kids. Pictures to come, as always!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T09:20:00.002-08:00

I started this blog to easily share stories and pictures with our families while the Army bumped us all around the country. We're no longer moving every three years, but this blog has become so much more than a newsletter for our family. It is my scrapbook (or rather, the place I jot down stories so they can later make it into the scrapbook), it is my journal, it is the place I brainstorm and sort out issues, it is where I celebrate our silly little family, and it is a gateway to the blogs and communities of other families like ours.

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends and family, I am thankful for all of you. For your support, encouragement, humor, and love.

No, I don't know what a fluffy, white, googly-eyed chicken has to do with Thanksgiving, but it came home from Kindergarten, so I shall be a proud momma and post it! Thank you to all the amazing teachers in our life, we are so grateful for you and all you do!

School Lunch

2009-11-20T14:58:00.002-08:00

What I learned from having lunch with my kids at school today:

Kindergarten girls are freaking adorable and think the word coconut is hilarious.
George can handle me coming and going throughout the school day, making it possible for me to possibly volunteer in his class.
Cafeteria lunches have vastly improved since I attended elementary school, but I'm still glad my kids prefer a packed lunch.
Kindergarten kids are much better behaved in a group setting than third grade kids. And quieter.
Emma's friends are awesome.
A bully who thinks it's a good idea to ignore rules about staying away from my daughter will change her mind about where to sit for lunch if I'm sitting on the other side.
Showing up at school for 1/2 an hour will make my kids' entire day.

Power

2009-11-19T11:35:00.002-08:00

A lot of the drama we've been dealing with the last couple of days has stemmed from the beginnings of George's search for independence:

Told to wear a coat on a windy day = full meltdown in the school hallways.

Told to brush his teeth before school = full meltdown in the living room.

Told to walk with me, not run ahead = full meltdown in the school parking lot. (It's somehow both embarrassing and wonderful that all of his aides and teachers knew what was going on before we even made it in the building, as the principal had radioed in to them. They stepped in and took over with complete calm and confidence.)

Told to quit poking at his sister while she was getting dressed = well, both of them were poking, so that turned into quite a lot of yelling from all of us.

There are so many things that kids are told to do throughout the day. Our days are always very structured, both kids respond well to knowing the plan for the day. But the little restrictions, rules, and corrections that occur all day long must get tiring. Especially when you're an active little guy, anxious to do everything independently. (He stopped holding my hand shortly after school started this fall. Ripped my heart to shreds!)

So much of what I was dealing with was really a power play. I had it, he wanted it. So yesterday after school, I started paying attention (about time, huh?) and changing how I wield that power.

Instead of telling him to put on his coat after school, I brought a sweatshirt with me and allowed him to choose which one to put on. He chose the coat, and put it on without a fuss.

Instead of telling him it was time to brush his teeth, I asked him to go "wake up Wall-e" (his toothbrush has Wall-e on it, and is stored in the medicine cabinet). He ran to the bathroom, yelling, "Good morning, Wall-e! It's time to get up and brush teeth!"

I still reminded him that we had to walk together as we went in to school, but I allowed him to lead Emma & I in games: like walking in a line, pretending to be a train; or having him tell me when I should duck down to walk beneath tree branches, and then exaggerating the movements.
While they were getting dressed this morning, instead of doing chores, I sat down on the floor beside them. I was able to keep Emma moving, deflect skirmishes before they got going, and help keep the energy calm and happy. I give Emma a lot of credit for that, too. I asked her to help me maintain a peaceful morning and she did a great job.

We had a great morning.

Every time we go through a rough spot with George, there's always a reason. And usually, if I pay attention, it's obvious. We just have to find our way through.

Happy Love Thursday

Autobots, Transform!

2009-11-18T19:12:00.003-08:00

So, it's been a day. Actually it's been a couple of days. Long ones. Involving meltdowns, bullies, yelling, and just general crankiness.

Until I can wrangle my thoughts into something cohesive and worth saying, here's a video! Because everyone likes the Transformers, right? (For those of you unfamiliar, he's mimicking the sound effects perfectly and transforming between Bumblebee's robot and car forms.)

Waiting with the windows wide open!

2009-11-12T11:27:00.002-08:00

The money fairy should be here any minute now. Last night, for the first time in his entire life, George took medicine. I didn't have to restrain him, I didn't have to put the liquid medicine in a syringe and stick it way back in his throat, I didn't end up wearing any of it.

Now, to be honest, there were tears and screams involved at first. But in the end, he took the medicine cup in hand and drank from it. (After first being redirected when he tried to pour it into his ear. Because it was to make his ear feel better. Logical, but incorrect.) Emma and I threw an impromptu Yay You Took Your Medicine party and had a quick family crazy dance moment.

And then he scarfed down both his dinner and the leftover lunch sitting on the counter, and asked for dessert.

He woke up today a bit congested, but feeling fine. No temperature, no hurting ears. Very excited about sending Emma off to school while he stayed in his pajamas.

This mom gig, I don't know. I may need some time to myself in the loony bin when the kids get older. But for now, I'll wait for the money fairy to show up, or maybe try something else that I've always thought impossible. My crazy little world just keeps surprising me!

GAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2009-11-11T17:26:00.002-08:00

So we went for a nice drive in the country. Taking the Jeep out for a battery charging cruise. Emma and I shouting out every animal we see, George resting/zoning in his seat (he loves car rides, finds them very calming).

Until about 35 minutes in, past halfway.

When George threw up all over himself.

Yeah, that resting/zoning thing? Not so much resting as it was really not feeling well. Guess who wins Mom of the year this year?

He's been laying on the couch ever since we got home three hours ago. Fever hovering around 99-100 degrees, not too bad, but now he's starting to push on his ear. Hello ear infection, how are you?!

So tonight, I have to try to force Motrin into him. Then change my clothes after he spits it all back out on me. (Not in defiance, just a lovely sensory thing. We have NEVER been able to get him to swallow medicine voluntarily. And yet? We keep trying. Maybe someday he'll understand that it will help him feel better. And then? The money fairy will fly in the window with my million dollars.)

And tomorrow, we return to the doctor's office, so he can get a shot of Amoxicillin. He LOVES shots.

I'm just about ready to move us all to a deserted island somewhere, anyone know of one that comes fully furnished? And maybe has a Target just a short rowboat trip away?

House of Germs

2009-11-10T18:39:00.003-08:00

Rotations of the flu, viruses, etc. have been wiping out our household. I have to say, it's awfully nice having kids who are capable of entertaining themselves when I need to sneak back to bed for a nap. I think we're on the up-swing back into civilization now. I'm going to miss those naps, though, might have to keep those!

Bathroom Humor

2009-11-03T19:50:00.005-08:00

Enough introspection! Back to real life. Despite the title of this entry, I promise not to regress into a twelve year old boy. But George's aide told me a story I just have to share.

The toilets and urinals at my children's' school have automated flushing devices. Lovely for keeping the germ sharing to a minimum. Not so fun for little Kindergartners with sensory issues who find loud noises frightening. To take care of this, George's teachers taught him at the beginning of the school year to ask for a sticky note whenever he needs to use the bathroom. He places it over the sensor until he's done, at which point he yanks it off and dashes to the other end of the bathroom. Works like a charm. (Except when it falls, mid... well, you know, but that's not part of this story.)

Anyway, for a portion of his day, George has a different aide, one new to this school. The other day, while with this aide, George needed a bathroom break. He asked his aide for a sticky.

[Important information: George has been talking in sentences for less than a year. His language is more limited than the average Kindergartner and he can sometimes be hard to understand, especially when you're not sure of the context.]

Now his aide understood George's request to use the bathroom. He was ready to take him there, but George wouldn't leave the classroom. He asked for his sticky.

His aide heard,"Stinky."

Granted, also a word occasionally used in conjunction with bathrooms.

"I need Sticky." "Stinky?" "Sticky!" "Stinky???" "I need STICKY!"

Poor guy couldn't figure out why they were having this conversation and not progressing down the hallway to take care of things!

Luckily for George, someone else finally stepped in, and his aide learned a new routine.

Dude, sometimes a sticky really is just a sticky. Three cheers for speech therapy!

Multi-Tasking

2009-11-02T12:45:00.002-08:00

Perhaps it's the weather, driving me indoors. Perhaps it's having the kids in the same school for the first time, allowing me to be a stay at home mom that actually stays at home for more than half an hour each day. Perhaps it's Jason's deployment, making me reflect on our little family a bit more.

Whatever the reason, I find myself wanting to be a little more domestic and also, to keep better track of the memories we're making this year, so that Jason can share them with us long distance. We chat online almost every morning, so it's easy to get lazy and not post to this blog or keep up with our family scrapbook. But time is flying by SO quickly, and the kids are changing every day, I don't want to miss any of it.

So, I'm taking a class to give me a boost in the right direction. And I hope to keep up with it, daily, in order to get all these stories and memories out of my head. I keep finding so many wonderful communities online that simply enhance those I am a part of in real life, and this one appears to be no exception. (Hello classmates!)

And I'm finding craft activities for the kids, and sewing ones for me.

Getting us all away from the TV, which is far too convenient in these cold and wet months. And I'm going to take pictures along the way. I try to send Jason a disc of photos every month, but my file from this last month was pathetically small, and that's not fair to someone who is missing home.

And I'm cooking!

Yummy Banana Bread recipe from Smitten Kitchen

It is so easy to succumb to the tastes of the little picky eaters (we're working on those sensory issues!) in my family and not cook. But I am so very sick of food that comes out of a box! So the kids are helping me bake, and loving the results. And I am buying single servings of all the fresh vegetables I enjoy, and not being embarrassed at the check out line by my little bags of one sweet potato, one artichoke, etc.

All this randomness written down to sort out my own goals and plans. I'll probably be returning to the workforce within the next couple of years, as the kids get more and more capable and independent. I want to make this time at home count. And I want to remember it.

2009-11-01T13:54:00.002-08:00

I love when Halloween falls on a Saturday! (According to my sister-in-law's calculations, the next one will be in 2015, bummer.) Thanks to a friend who "boo-ed" us earlier in the week and some supplies I had been stockpiling, we had a variety of crafts and activities to get us through the day. Still, throughout the day, I heard, "George is excited for Halloween. George is waiting for Halloween!" Too cute. Both kids did really well with the anticipation.

Late afternoon, we headed over to Gramma & Papa's for dinner and trick-or-treating. Emma likes giving out candy almost as much as trick-or-treating herself, so we always head out early so we can get done and be back in time to help out at the door. Last year, it only took going to one house for George to clue in, and this year he took the lead! He was off and running from house to house, loudly proclaimed "trick or treat" and "thank you", handled disappointments with ease (Hello neighbors? Turn off your porch light if you don't plan to open the door!), and even went through a haunted garage that Emma refused to enter.

Emma was polite and spoke up when asked about her costume (she was Daphne from the Scooby Doo cartoons), and dealt with a slip on wet leaves with no tears. After about an hour, she declared her bucket too heavy and wanted to go back to the house. George could have continued for another few hours but was quick to agree when told he could choose something from his bucket when we got back!

All in all, a very successful Halloween! (And check out that last picture in the set! I call it the post sugar high/end of long day/holy crap I'm tired shot.)

Lightbulb Moment

2009-10-26T11:28:00.003-07:00

Early school mornings often look like this these days. Laying in front of the floor heater vent, breakfast within reach, minimal lighting. George has always been a morning person (versus Emma's night owl behavior), so seeing him so sleepy and cuddly is precious to me. It only takes about 15 minutes though and then he's up and running (literally), playing, eating, jabbering, the usual.

Emma noticed something this morning that I hadn't clued into. Most mornings, once George has gotten past this floppy phase, he starts turning on lights. ALL the lights. Lights we don't usually use, like the bright overhead light in the living room and the two hallway lights. I thought for sure this was just a habit, connected to his love of all things that can be switched, pushed, turned, or otherwise engaged. He doesn't usually do it at any other time of the day, but I figured it had gotten to be part of his routine ("do it once, and it's routine"), and didn't think on it further.

However, rather than it being a tactile sensory response, Emma suggested that it's more of a need for the light itself. George is both very literal and also very receptive to sensory input. That combination reveals itself in these dark early mornings where George must create the environmental surrounding that tell him it is, indeed, morning. Emma pointed out to me that the only other time George floods the house with light is occasionally after dinner; again, now that it is already dark so early in the evening. As soon as I start giving countdown warnings that bathtime is approaching, George races around the house, turning off as many lights as I will allow.

Creating night time.

No one will ever convince me that my children aren't brilliant. Both of them.

Clouds of Words

2009-10-25T15:11:00.002-07:00

I feel stuck lately. Stuck in my head, stuck in routine. I created the word cloud above out of all the words in this blog. Seems like I've said it all before, probably too many times. And with the deadly combination of constantly changing weather and the flu cycling through our family, we're not getting out much.

I'm not taking many pictures, so I'm stuck with the ones I have. We're not having fun, new experiences; so I'm stuck with random bits from day to day. The kids haven't been on their best behavior lately; so I'm stuck with my desire to share their successes, but would really like to moan and whine.

Can you tell we've been housebound for too long?

Finally Fishing

2009-10-18T14:01:00.003-07:00

These photos are a couple of months old, but I don't think I ever shared them here.

Hockey Mom

2009-10-09T10:33:00.003-07:00

Journaling:

As of today, I have a GINORMOUS sports bag and HOCKEY STICK in the back of the van. WHAT????????????? We are NOT a sports family, what’s going on? Yeah so, today I found out about an ice hockey group for kids with special needs. And it started today. So we boogied over there and spent AN HOUR trying to find a uniform that would fit little man. (The group is for kindergarten through high school, so he was by FAR the smallest). By the time we were done, he only got about 15 minutes on the ice.

In that 15 minutes, he went from hanging between the coaches knees trying to stand up, to SKATING ON HIS OWN AND HITTING A HOCKEY PUCK!!!!!!

Please excuse my screaming, it was unreal how well he did. All the other moms & dads were coming up to me exclaiming about how well he was doing.

So yeah, I'm a hockey mom now.

(For biggie size views of the photos, follow this link to the full set on Flickr: Hockey)

The New Normal

2009-09-27T12:56:00.006-07:00

It is inevitable that a group of moms, gathered together in the late hours of an evening, are going to talk about their kids. It is also inevitable that a group of moms who all have kids with Autism are going to talk about their experiences with Autism.

What surprised me this past weekend, as I sat with friends around my wine laden dining room table, was how much we talked about our neuro-typical kids. Not that we don't talk about them in general, but these were conversations about our struggles with our NT kids. We compared melt-downs, discussed sensitivities, commisserated about difficult social situations. Sounds familiar, right? Each of those could be chapter titles in any "living with Autism" book. So why did we spend so much time trying to figure out what to do with our NT children, aren't those supposed to be the easy ones?

The way I figure it, those of us with loved ones on the Autism Spectrum spend so much time learning all there is to know about that world. We research and advocate. We rearrange our lives and our homes to make them inclusive in every sense. We cook for a special (and limited) diet. We surround ourselves with activity schedules, therapists, playgroups, and IEPs. We know how to live with Autism.

Autism has become our normal.

So the new challenge is to learn about dealing with the needs of our other kids. The ones the world says are normal. The ones that can seem, in many ways, so much more difficult to us. Because, though we live with Autism, we live with our NT kids, too. And they deserve just as much effort.

Look! Something Shiny!

2009-09-24T19:47:00.004-07:00

Conversation with my sweet little ADD girl:

Me: List of chores that need to be done, with lots of stops to be sure I'm being heard.

Her: Okay.

Me: Do you understand?

Her: Yup.

Me: You need to do them today, okay?

Her: Yes.

Me: Okay, thanks. Start to leave the room.

Her: Wait.... what?

Playtime

2009-09-23T22:15:00.002-07:00

Is there anything better than making a tent under the dining room table? Oh yeah, there's one thing better, when your tent is made with special army blankets sent by daddy.

(You can't see them, they're camouflaged!)

Getting away from each other for the bulk of the day makes playing together much more fun when they are together. I love seeing them acting out long, involved stories about camping and Batman and school and Scooby Doo and flying and riding horses and trains and, and, and...

The fact that Emma wants to play with George, and George takes an active part in playing with Emma? Does a momma's heart good.

Waking Up

2009-09-22T18:44:00.003-07:00

The first couple weeks of the school year have been completely wonderful and slightly insane. Though I claim all of that insanity for myself. The kids are LOVING school. Personally, it took me about a week to figure out how to manage the new schedule. After the last couple of years with George attending two preschools and Emma being in elementary school, I had gotten very used to getting things done in a very short amount of time. I rarely had more than 45 minutes in my day that were truly kid free, and boy did I maximize the heck out of those 45 minutes.

Now I have 6 hours.

As glorious and wonderful as that time is, it took me a while to figure out what that kind of time feels like and how to best use it. The first week of school was spent madly dashing from activity to chore to project. Trying to fit it all in.

But I'm easing up on myself now and realizing that there really is enough time to do everything. I have time to breathe and refresh during the day, which is making the afternoons and evenings with the kids much more pleasant. I'm exercising, spending time with friends, spending time in a quiet house, starting to figure out this next phase.

And did I mention that the kids are LOVING school? There was a lot to worry about, going into this year. Emma certainly didn't love second grade, and I hoped that she would be able to recapture some of the joy in learning that she lost last year. And George's transition to Kindergarten was filled with the unknown. For both of them, these first weeks have been amazing. Or awesome, to quote Emma. I am so grateful.

11 September

2009-09-11T07:00:00.003-07:00

Looking forward to the day this photo shows faces instead of backs.

The kids and I handled the summer pretty well, I think. We kept really busy and the time went by quickly. Not to say we weren't missing Jason, but as we have nearly daily contact with him via email, it was managable. He's even able to call home from time to time, so the kids can hear his voice.

The beginning of the school year brings with it milestones, traditions, and the looming of the holiday season. I think this deployment is, all of a sudden, feeling more difficult and lonelier. I hear it in the things Jason says about what he's missing, I hear it in Emma's sigh about daddy-daughter traditions that have been modified, I hear it in George's revived request that I "go get Daddy, come back, okay?", and I hear it in the garbage TV I watch every night to fill the silence at the end of the day.

As of today it's been exactly four months since we put him on an airplane. We're ready for him to come home now, thank you. Missing you this week, J.

Jason in his office in the desert

There goes my baby!

2009-09-10T08:30:00.002-07:00

I'm basically a blubbering idiot right now, so I'll show you the morning in pictures:
My Kindergartner:

My ridiculous children:

Walking into school (where he was greeted, by name, by the principal and receptionist - man, I love this school):

Cheesy smile with a friend from preschool:

Going into his classroom without ME, WAHHHHHH!!!

Like Emma yesterday, he was completely calm this morning. Accepted all the new bits of routine without question or fuss. Told daddy on the phone all about his teachers and cubby. When we got to his classroom, we had to wait for several other kids to find their name tag before he could find his and go in. He waited patiently, no complaining, and then stepped up, grabbed his tag, and walked on in. No hug, barely a "bye, Mom", like he'd been going to Kindergarten all his life.

Excuse me, I have to go hold his blankie and cry for a bit....

The Beauty of 3rd Grade

2009-09-09T18:04:00.003-07:00

She was remarkably calm all morning. No hint of nerves, just joy in the return to routine.
Walked into class as if only a weekend had passed, not a summer.
Came out five hours later with the same peaceful smile on her face.
She's happy to be back.

She's a beauty this one.

Class Lists

2009-09-05T20:52:00.003-07:00

Journaling: I can remember when I was the kid, running to check out the class lists.And now I have not one, but TWO kids racing each other! Wanting to be the first to find their name. Feeling excitement and nervousness as they go down the line, checking for friends and favorite teachers. I still feel those emotions when the lists are posted! Let the school year begin!

Once again, Emma showed off her big sister skills. She ran to the office window, where the lists are posted each year, with George following quickly behind (though not really knowing why). Instead of heading to the lists of 3rd grade classes, she went directly to the Kindergarten lists and helped George find his name. (Okay, first of all, why can't they be this nice to each other all the time? And second, how the heck am I old enough to have a 3rd grader???)

As soon as he was set, Emma moved over to find her name and started jumping up and down with excitement when she found it. She has a great teacher and will be classmates with many of her favorite friends. The nerves are definitely setting in and the countdown gets checked several times a day, but I think excitement is the overriding emotion.

As for George? Well, as I mentioned, he wasn't entirely sure as to why we were going to school unexpectedly. So as we left, he hurridly ran to put the correct magnet on his activity schedule and then grabbed his new backpack from it's hook by the stairs. I think he's ready to go!

Oh yuck.

2009-08-30T12:32:00.002-07:00

I'm not a big fan of teeth. I like them for the purpose they serve, but the whole falling out and leaving bloody gums in their wake? Yeah, not so much.

Yesterday, as I helped George get ready for bed, I reminded Emma that it was time to do her chores. "Just a minute, Mom, I'm going to pull my tooth out!" Oh yuck. I quickly left the room and sure enough, by the time I came back, she had a bloody tissue in her mouth and a tooth in her hand. Blech. I'll be really happy when this growth phase is over.

Boys & Water

2009-08-29T15:40:00.002-07:00

Yes, our water bill may be a touch high this month, but when an active boy can find fun in water, dish soap, and a variety of plastic bowls for over an hour, I am all for it. Even if he does hate to get even a drop of water on his clothes and therefore, removes them as they get wet. Leaving me with a very clean sink (and counter and floor) and many very Internet-inappropriate images on my camera's memory card.

I was going to write a nice long post about Autism and sensory issues. But, see that late summer sun coming in through the window? I'm going to go enjoy it.

Talent Wasted

2009-08-26T13:59:00.005-07:00

All summer, we have had several therapists (or tutors, as this particular program calls them) come into our house every weekday to work with George. They have been wonderful with him and he has so enjoyed "playing" with them. They have worked on his writing and cutting skills, how to correctly hold a pencil, categorizing, letter sounds, reciprocal conversation, and they have taught him his full name, phone number, address, school & teacher name, etc.

He has learned so much and is just soaking up every little thing they try with him. By watching them work with him, I learn ways to teach him, too. (He learned his phone number within five minutes when they let him use a cell phone to call our home phone, which they would then answer. Instant association and gratification! Why didn't I think of that?)

Today, we said a very tearful good-bye to his favorite tutor. She had the most contact with him, and the most success. She was willing to be playful with him, but kept him at his assigned task, not letting him off the hook if he whined and cheering him when he would finish. He would ask for her by name on the days they didn't meet, and seeing her face on his daily activity schedule was a sure way to get him to move along in the mornings.

Two weeks ago, she gave notice to the organization that we work with and after today's session with George, she got into a U-haul and headed up the freeway. I'd love to say that she's found a terrific opportunity that will utilize her skills. That she'll be working with even more children who need someone like her. That she'll be changing more lives the way she's changed ours. Unfortunately, I can't say any of those things. She's moving two hours away, back to her home town... to sell insurance.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She can't afford to live on the money she makes working here. The organization that employed her can't afford to give her enough hours or pay her enough for her to pay her rent. The organization that exists to help children like mine that need a little (or a lot) of help beyond what school can provide can't afford to pay their employees a living wage.

So instead of being a lifeline to kids and parents, instead of changing their lives, she will be selling them insurance. She doesn't want to and many tears were shed by everyone involved when she made that decision. But she ran out of choices. She waved good-bye with tears running down her face.

There is something very wrong with that. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?

By the end, I couldn't feel my legs...

2009-08-22T08:51:00.004-07:00

All year, Emma looks forward to one particular week. As soon as that week is over, she begins the countdown to the next one. The week of the County Fair. In our house, it is a Big Deal. She can easily spend hours in the animal barns, is very willing to go through the art & baking exhibits, and isn't too pushy about going on rides. All in all, a very good fair-going companion!

This year, we discovered something else (or rather, had it reinforced): Emma is a very good big sister. For the first time, we decided to take George with us to the Fair on the day that they have unlimited rides for a set fee.

We had no idea how he would handle it. The Fair is a LOUD place, there is a lot of WAITING in line involved, it is usually HOT, and sometimes you have to SHARE the seat. Guess which things can be troublesome for George?

However, while the Fair was setting up in previous weeks, we drove by and George said, "I want to go on Roller Coaster." Okay dude, if you're going to use a full sentence, completely unprompted, I'm going to honor it. So, we went.

And it was awesome. SIX FULL HOURS of awesome. George was fairly wide-eyed and quiet at first, taking it all in. Emma took him by the hand and excitedly suggested several rides to go on. By the end of the second ride, they were in cahoots and took off running for the ROLLER COASTER! A small roller coaster, but still!

From then on, he knew what to do and it was non-stop until we left. I even got to go on a couple!

His favorite ride was the blue, slightly larger, VERY LOUD roller coaster. He kept his hands on his ears the entire ride, but loved every minute. This was the only time we had any problems, but only because he would get frustrated by waiting in line. He would come racing off as soon as the ride attendent released him, run down the stairs and back round to the entrance. Sometimes he could get right back on, but often there was a line. And George does not like lines. But we dealt with it. And got back on. Approximately 102 times. Approximately.

And then we ate wonderfully nutricious food. Yum!

It was all so much more fun than I had hoped for. And now there is one more thing that we know George can handle. I'm starting to wonder what he can't handle, something to think about.

Sweet Music

2009-08-18T13:07:00.002-07:00

Journaling:
Sweet Music - Via an amazing gift from Grandma Sharon & Papa Ray.I am so grateful to our Beverly family. Two incredible grandparents that gave us their piano. One musician brother-in-law who is always available with advice on how to encourage Emma’s natural ability without pushing too hard. Now, beautiful music drifts upstairs to me every day.

*************

Emma shares Jason's ability to "play by ear"; after hearing a song, she can reproduce it fairly quickly on a keyboard or piano. She also composes amazingly complicated songs, using both hands properly with chords or other harmony in the bass clef. She astounds me with her skill and I love that she chooses to play music almost daily. Adam, my brother-in-law, has advised us to let her explore on her own without lessons for now. She is the type (profectionist, hard on herself) that could easily shut down and give up if she feels she's not playing correctly. My opinion: if she's making music that pleases her, she's doing it correctly! And I reap the lovely benefits!

Crawling toward the end of summer

2009-08-17T15:13:00.004-07:00

Are your kids bored like mine? Well, just hand them a 24 pack of new pencils and a pencil sharpener! Guaranteed to provide at least 24 minutes of quiet fun!

Also, yes, that IS a movable, circular train bridge you see in the foreground! Brilliant idea, I think.

Obviously, we're knee deep in Thomas the Tank Engine again these days. Just when I was starting to think that it was time to box everything up, everything came back out. And I do mean everything.

This photo was taken by George. The books and trains are propped up on the entertainment center, in front of the TV which was playing a Thomas DVD (more can be seen below, resting on the DVD player). The trains are out, the books are out, the DVDs are in constant rotation, Thomas activity books are a favorite, we're even listening to Thomas audio books in the van. Luckily, Thomas is fairly likable and there are so many stories, that I don't have to hear/watch/read the same ones too often. And George relates to/interacts with them differently now that he's more verbal. I love how he "discusses" the story lines with me, really dissecting the emotions and actions. THIS is why we rarely throw out old favorite toys and such, they almost always cycle back through and serve a new purpose.

AND, as a super bonus, I found a discarded train table on the side of the road a couple of weeks ago. These can run anywhere from $80-200, so I was never willing to buy one. But, thanks to a ton of sanding and a bit of spray paint (thanks, Papa!), it's looking wonderful and will move into George's room this week!

Too busy to breathe

2009-08-02T20:40:00.004-07:00

How is it that I used to complain about summer being too long and too boring? We have been moving and doing non-stop. Relatives rotating through town, record heat locking us to the slip 'n slide, summer school & therapies keeping every day full.

I have so many things to share, but I'm in the middle of a huge project. One picture that's being used in that project made me laugh out loud when I saw it, so I thought I'd put it up here for your viewing pleasure.

Supposedly, that's me in the middle of two of my cousins, Molly & Sarah. But I would swear that it's really Emma wearing 70's clothing.

More soon, I promise!

Party Hats & Cupcakes

2009-07-22T09:39:00.001-07:00

Wholesome and enriching!

2009-07-20T18:21:00.002-07:00

I would love to rhapsodize about our adventures outdoors. Wherein we take vigorous nature hikes, gathering roots and unusual fauna to later research and sketch. Our conversations of spirituality and cosmic space. Our snacks of berries we pick ourselves, paired with local cheeses and fresh spring water. Our days spent painting en plein air.

Those blobs of blue on his paper are actually the North Pole. He's a genius, I think.

But really? I had just pried Emma off the computer, George away from fabulous and repetitive spinning in circles; given them both a (chocolate covered) granola bar; and shoved them into the 90 degree heat with paint brushes and instructions to "have fun". No way am I going to let them paint indoors where I would have to actually clean up spills, are you crazy?

Mother of the Year again, I just know it!

Ever since our family reunion at the beginning of the month, George has been glued to me. And I do mean glued. If I move across the room to pick up a toy, answer the phone, breathe? He's with me. So very with me that he's usually touching me or holding the edge of my shirt.

It gets to be a bit much.

So I give them distractions like paint and push them outside. Then sit within two feet of my son, so he'll actually stay outside.

He won't be like this when it's time to go off to college, right?

Across the distance

2009-07-19T07:44:00.002-07:00

This deployment is so very different from the last one Jason and I experienced.

Then: I had a two year old and was pregnant.
Now: I have an eight year old and an (almost) six year old.

Then: We were living on a military base, surrounded by hundreds of other people with similar stories, but no family.
Now: We are living minutes from several family members, but no military.

Then: Jason had to be driven to a separate base to call home over a scratchy connection on the day I had the baby's ultrasound.
Now: We can chat via a video call from his barracks room pretty much any day our schedules match up.

This deployment is so much harder in so many ways, but this one thing makes it SO much easier.

16 July

2009-07-16T15:15:00.005-07:00

2009-07-13T12:42:00.005-07:00

Rick Dancer, a former news anchor here in Eugene, was at an event held at Ride Able Sunday night (where the kids take horseback riding lessons). He's no longer on the news, but shoots videos on his own and posts them on various sites that highlight Oregon places and events. George is one of the kids he followed around (I think he was jealous of George's cowboy boots!) and the following short video is a teaser for the longer one that will be posted later this week:

One of the questions he asked me was, "How has Ride Able affected your family?" That was something I hadn't considered, though I've written here how good it has been for both kids. How has our whole family been affected? Since I am a blithering idiot who can not think on her feet, I'm fairly certain my immediate answer will land on the editing room floor (some drivel about getting out in the fresh air and other bland nonsense). But I've thought a lot about it over the past couple of days.

This world, and more specifically this town we live in, is scrambling to provide resources for kids like George. Obviously, the concentration has to be on education first. And our town does a reasonable job of that. I'm very excited about Kindergarten next fall and think he'll be very successful, both because of the program he's entering and the preschool programs that have prepared him. But outside the schoolroom, choices of activities get very narrow. Camps, movies, sports, and other group recreation activities are all impossible for us (at this point). He simply can't handle the number of people involved, the noise, the quantity and speed of instruction necessary.

So, we do a lot on our own.

But every parent wants their children to try new things, learn new skills, and gain confidence through doing something different, something all their own. And that's where Ride Able has fit in for us. When we arrive, he signs in, puts on his helmet, and goes into the tack room to get his horse's reins. And off he goes. His sister is taking lessons alongside him and I'm usually somewhere close, but this activity is his. He knows his horse, he's learning how to control her, and he is excited to try anything the trainer asks him to do. He's paying attention.

And we are out in that fresh air together. And I am watching my child(ren) learn and explore and succeed. Ride Able has affected the very heart of our family. And I am so grateful.

Let's talk about the weather

2009-07-12T14:45:00.003-07:00

Yesterday we were picnicking outside. Today, 67 degrees and huge thunderstorms all afternoon. Crazy.

Got this from Jason this morning:

I got up yesterday morning at around 0615 and it was almost 95 degrees already. Today it was 117 with high winds...felt like standing in front of a hair dryer.

Image credit

Hmmmm, sand storms vs. thunderstorms? Guess I won't complain about the rain.

Lookin' good at 90

2009-07-06T16:31:00.002-07:00

We've just returned from a long weekend away with, quite literally, every family member on my mom's side of the family. It was a family reunion organized to celebrate my grandmother's upcoming 90th birthday. We did, of course, take a zillion and three photos. This one is of Grandma with all her grandchildren, their significant others (Jason was the only one not present, and he was definitely missed), and great-grandchildren:

Lovely, isn't it? We're a good-looking bunch! We took group photos in all sorts of configurations: children, grandchildren, etc. But honestly? A large percentage of the photos have this blur in them:

Whether he was supposed to be in the photo or not, George managed to run in front of just about every grouping! We have a lot of photos where all the subjects are looking at the speeding child running through the shot!

My grandma is an amazing woman, and I only hope that I can be as fun as she is when I reach 90! She tells great stories, cracks hilarious jokes, and is full of mischief. (She's especially silly when she's been handed a few of these:)

Then again, aren't we all?

Mamas & Babies

2009-07-03T14:41:00.002-07:00

This morning George called to me from the other room:

Come here, Mom, come see.
What do you want me to see, George?
Come see this! (pointing out the window)
What is it, George?
(Shakes his head, as he does when he's thinking hard, trying to find the right word) Come see! Baby chickies, Mama chickie, driveway!

And I look, and I see:

Every year, at about this time, a family of turkeys brings the latest batch of babies through our driveway and field. We will watch them all summer, comment on how they're growing, make lots of jokes about learning to run as Thanksgiving nears, and then they'll move on to wherever they spend the winter. Every year, the number of family members is different, sometimes just a few, sometimes as many as thirty. They keep their babies close and move them along when we appear. As the babies grow, they are allowed more independence and we can get closer and interact with them more. Later in the summer, I'll be complaining about how noisy they are.

Last week, I set a goal for George to initiate and participate in reciprocal communication. Something more than just a question and yes/no answer. Guess we just met that goal! This summer my babies are growing, our family is a bit smaller, and I'm sure I'll complain about the noise from time to time. But not that noise, that noise is music to my heart.

Signs of Summer

2009-07-02T10:16:00.002-07:00

It's July second, and I'm on my third box of Band-Aids! You can't see the scabs on elbows and above George's eye in this picture, but trust me, not a day goes by without someone needing an ouchie fixed.

Luckily, it doesn't slow them down or upset them much!

I'm From, by Emma

2009-07-01T08:53:00.002-07:00

I’m from the big closet in my old Virginia house and

the dog hair all over the couch.

I’m from tons of bamboo,

some toys and short green grass.

I’m from two good friends, Nate and Reed,

From lots of deer and fawns almost tame

and tons of tall yellow ferns

I’m from a goofy dad and a silly mom.

I’m from sayings like, “See, piece of cake!”

I’m from foods like turkey and ice cream.

Vanilla and Mint Chocolate Chip!

And that’s where I am from.

Poem & all photos by Emma

Through Their Eyes

2009-06-28T12:00:00.002-07:00

The kids have found, and claimed, two of our old digital cameras. They spend hours (and a crazy number of batteries) roaming the house taking pictures. I'm finding many of their photos surprisingly good, they are beginning to understand the need to be still while shooting, and seeing the details they choose to photograph is a fun glimpse into their lives.

A selection of photos by George & Emma

Emma tends to wander further in her pursuit of subjects: the yard, the basement, each of our bedrooms. George stays mainly in our main living areas, but is more adventurous with his angles and use of the timer. I was surprised to see more blurry pictures from Emma, she is so anxious to capture the next thing, that she forgets to wait for the shutter. But her pictures are getting better, and I've been watching her wait for just the right shot as she watches the dog playing, cars driving by, etc. George is fascinated by snapping shots of the TV, viewing the still frames of his favorite videos, and close ups of his toys and clothes.

I love seeing their creativity evolve and their understanding of technique grow. Thank goodness for technology, I don't think we would be able to afford this much film!

More Horseback Riding photos

2009-06-26T12:23:00.002-07:00

The horses have been moved to their summer farm, and WOW is it gorgeous there! I don't know of many activities better than being out here in the evenings. The kids get to go every week during the summer (we were going every other week) and their eyes just light up when they see the horse picture on our activity schedule.

Theoretically, this is therapy for George. Emma wouldn't be allowed to take lessons with this organization if not for him. But honestly, I see more changes in her when we go to the farm. She sits up so straight in the saddle, responds to correction without being crushed or embarrassed, and she is learning to not be so timid with the horses. I would have killed for horseback lessons when I was a girl her age. I'm so very glad we're able to do this for her. For both of them, but especially for her.

That's a BIG wish!

2009-06-25T17:29:00.003-07:00

I woke up to lots of nice emails and a continually ringing phone. A necessary self-portrait shoot yielded this photo, which doesn't show too many wrinkles. Lunch with family, during which the kids behaved beautifully. I am a happy, lucky girl. Bring it on, 34!

Summertime

2009-06-18T16:07:00.002-07:00

And the livin' is easy.

Quilts and sheets on the clothesline, windows open to catch the breeze, kids laying in the grass with bubbles at hand. Love it.

It's funny to me that I always dread summer with it's lack of schedule. Every year we manage to stay busy in a way that makes us all happy. A trip out of the house at least once a day to get us moving, but never so booked that we get stressed out and cranky. It takes George a week or two to get used to not going to school, but then it's as if a switch has been flipped. We all sleep in (and are, therefor, much happier in the mornings), no one complains when it's time to do something, and everyone is excited by the choices they're given.

Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt I'll be dealing with boredom and tempers from time to time. But for the most part, we like being lazy and watching the clouds float by. Gotta go, I've got bubbles to blow.

Note to self:

2009-06-15T12:54:00.001-07:00

Blue swim goggles and a chocolate cookie make it muuuuuuuch easier to get through the store.

Two Sides of a Family

2009-06-13T18:36:00.003-07:00

(Sent to each other this afternoon via phones)

Everyone was taking a break today it seems. At least for a bit! The kids and I received this photo from Jason as we headed home from the beach. (And yes, if you look behind the kids and dog, you can tell I took this while driving. I promise I just held it up and clicked, my eyes were on the road!)

It will be good when we can all fit inside one photo frame again.

"Typical"

2009-06-12T19:55:00.002-07:00

A couple of days ago, I met with a case manager from a local Autism support organization. He will be assigning therapists who will be coming into our home several days a week to work with George. The meeting was for me to get to know him and a bit about the organization, and also for him to learn about George (from me, George was not there) and discuss our goals for him.

One of the questions he asked me was about George's interests, so that they can use them to make the learning more interesting. I heard these words come out of my mouth, "He's a typical almost-six-year-old boy. He likes robots, space, dinosaurs, and being active." Typical. Somehow I never thought that word would be used in conjunction with George. And yet, he is. Typical. Just a boy. At the playground today, he played on a merry-go-round with another five-year-old boy. And no one looked at him funny. And no one asked me why he wasn't answering the rapid fire questions the other boy was hurtling at him. If anything, that boy seemed odd!

He will never be cured, he will always be different and have to work hard to keep up. But maybe, just maybe, that's more typical than I ever thought.

Peace Reigns

2009-06-11T15:25:00.004-07:00

I had all kinds of plans of things to do today, both to keep George busy while Emma was at school, and simply a mix of errands. However, due to one child's onset of strep throat:

and the other child's lack of desire to get dressed:

We are, instead, happily playing with a Christmas gift that had been forgotten behind a myriad of other art supplies in the deep, dark recesses of the art shelf.

And, after viewing the video Madagascar 2.73 times in one day, the TV has been replaced by a Norah Jones Pandora Radio Station. The windows are letting in a warm breeze. The dog is resting beneath the table, no doubt under the mistaken belief that the specks of blue and purple falling from above are tasty treats. And I'm not breaking up any fights, nor plugging my ears against the sound of the TV, nor doing much of anything really.

There's something to be said for sickness induced tranquility....

All things come to an end

2009-06-10T13:50:00.004-07:00

I started this post yesterday, full of ruminations on the school year and my experiences working in Emma's classroom. Yesterday was my last day in her class, as George is now done with both preschools and my time is no longer my own. I posted the picture above to show the lovely gift her teacher made me. Such a thoughtful, homemade present, I really appreciated it.

When he handed it to me, he asked if I have a green thumb. I told him it was more grey with a tinge of green, but that I would do my best. I took it home and found a nice partly shady area for it to live, watered it, and took it's picture.

Good thing I did, because that home I found for it? Was in the unfenced part of our yard. Have I mentioned that we have several families of deer that travel through and sleep in our field? Did you know they love fresh flowers for dessert? Yeah, I actually knew that, but failed to remember it. So now, I have a planter of nice greens and some dirt. I think I'll find it a new home and hope for regrowth.

Here's hoping my brain starts working again now that I can catch up on some sleep!

My future lizardologist

2009-06-08T17:06:00.003-07:00

The weekend before last, in her own words:

We call her the bug/lizard/snake/slug/creature whisperer.

Okay, so maybe we don't, but I swear that's what this girl of mine is. Most days after school, she can be found in the fields next to our house rounding up anything that moves and will fit in a jar. Snakes, dragonflies, caterpillars, pill bugs, earwigs....anything and everything. And they gravitate to her. She walks around with cicadas on her arm, dragonflies hanging out on her shirt, and lizards in her hands.

When we went to Sunriver (where these pictures were taken), the park was just a couple minute's walk from our condo. She would ride her scooter ahead of us, and by the time we joined her, she was walking back in our direction with a frog or lizard in her hand. She sees things the rest of us don't and she knows how to gently explore and learn about them. Spring is an amazing season for her, the earth is hopping!

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. - John Muir

Walk the Diamond Day

2009-06-05T14:42:00.002-07:00

Every year, George's early education program runs a fundraiser called Walk the Diamond. All the special needs preschools under this program join together at the local team's baseball stadium. They sing songs, march around the bases (hence "Walk the Diamond"), play games, and get participation ribbons. This year, George brought Daddy with him.

He had asked if Daddy was coming with us today. When I said no, he ran to get his Daddy doll and said, "now Daddy walk the diamond with George". I know. Bring on the tissues, this kid slays my heart sometimes.

The U of O mascot always comes by, as well, to walk the bases with the kids and get hugs. Many of the kids are too scared by the giant duck, so he usually hangs out way back in the outfield. George has never wanted to get too close, but this year, he was really intrigued. He slowly made his way across the diamond and through the field, talking to himself and gesturing to the mascot the whole time. When he got close to the line of kids waiting for hugs, I asked him if he wanted to get his picture taken with the duck, and surprisingly, he said yes. So we got in line. Waited patiently for several minutes as we moved forward, kid by kid. Got to the front of the line. The duck looked at him and opened his arms. And George took off screaming.

He didn't go too far though, he still wanted to look and have a (long distance) conversation.

Other than singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game, his favorite activity proved to be hitting a ball off a T-ball stand. His form was good, but his angle needed a little finessing:

Ah, there we go, much better! Great concentration:

He got pretty good with it, hitting it well, more often than not. And asked me to "say hooray, very loud". Which I did. As did he:

Last Day #1

2009-06-04T16:55:00.003-07:00

As we drove away, "[Afternoon preschool] is allllll done."

Holy smokes, he's a KID!! When did that happen????

Emerging

2009-06-02T15:55:00.002-07:00

Sooooo.

It's June.
May kinda sucked.

I have to say, I'm glad it's over.

Today we set George's IEP for next year.

I have to say, I'm glad that's over, too.

It went REALLY well, and I'm very happy/excited/nervous/etc. for next year.

But preparing for those things is very stressful.

And I'm kinda full up in the stress department.

Two days left of afternoon preschool.

Six days left of morning preschool.

Nine 1/2 days left of second grade.

Then we can sleep in.

EVERY DAY.

Good.

Remember

2009-05-25T08:50:00.003-07:00

okay

2009-05-24T20:13:00.002-07:00

Not my finest Mommy-hour today. There were a couple slammed doors, some yelling, tears, silent treatment, and glares. And I must claim responsibility for some of each of those. There were also hugs, apologies, conversation, and cuddles. And I can claim responsibility for some of each of those, as well. It is my hope that the good balances out the bad, understanding and grace will come easier next time, and memories of this year won't all be heavy.

To be fair, we had a lovely day at the coast today, and I believe that exhaustion played a large part in the dissolution of our evening.

2009-05-22T17:47:00.003-07:00

I just got off the phone with my mom, she was wondering if we were coming over for dinner tonight. While the wine she offered sounded great, I'm thinking we probably won't.

We're busy at the Spa A'la Boy Child.

Sentence of the Day

2009-05-12T16:22:00.003-07:00

George: "Go to airplane, go get Daddy, come back . Ok, Mommy?"

Daddy Doll courtesy of Operation Give a Hug

I put the kids (and myself) to bed an hour earlier than usual last night. I'm fairly sure we were all unconscious within seconds. Jason is already at work today, fighting to stay awake through his shift that ends at 1am.

Don't feel too bad for him, he says he had shrimp alfredo and steak for dinner. Poor guy. I need to find myself an army chow hall!

Brutal

2009-05-11T15:14:00.002-07:00

And the countdown begins. 365 days to go....

Thank you, and good night!

2009-05-10T11:42:00.004-07:00

I'm sure I don't deserve it, but thank you for your vote: CNNBC video

Happy Mother's Day, to all the moms out there.

Mine especially (who apparently survived life with a very grumpy little girl), Beth for the intense lobbying & vote gathering, and the moms I've gotten to know in this crazy virtual world. You all help me hold it together and make me laugh when I need it. Enjoy your day!

Old stories, gussied up

2009-05-03T13:38:00.002-07:00

What happens when the boys go shopping....

2009-05-02T15:34:00.003-07:00

They find a deal on wrenches....

And a little boy for sale!

Now my little guy has his own set and will (hopefully) stop raiding his daddy's tool box. Because boys always stop raiding their daddys' tool boxes once they have their own, right?

That's just life

2009-04-27T17:55:00.002-07:00

As gratified as I was by the response to the last post, indignation at the woman's comment wasn't really my intent. I was really just jotting down my thoughts on the zoo experience and how it must feel to my little guy. I wanted to remember the struggles he deals with, for those moments when I'm not feeling so patient, so willing to carry his growing body. (And yes, Beth, I most definitely felt that "workout" the next day!) Forcing myself to see the zoo through his eyes and senses made me realize what an overwhelming place it can be. Talk about a constant influx of stimulation!

But you all reacted to what the woman said. How she passive-aggressively told me I was babying my big boy. Funny though. While I certainly was annoyed by her comment at the time and knew not to bother explaining my actions to her, those feelings of annoyance didn't stick. Not really.

And it's not that I disagree with you all. She was way out of line. And I would never even think to say something like that to a parent. But, you see, that type of experience just isn't that rare. I'm sure any of the special needs parents that read here could easily share a story of unrequested opinions and advice. Or recount episodes of glares, pointed looks, and angry body language. There ought to be a slogan in the Autism community about the gateway to Hell being deep in the bowels of any grocery store.

Autism is an invisible disease. You can't look at a kid and know he's Autistic. But many have behavior problems that are oh-so-apparent. George is a screamer. Not so much as he used to be. Every word added to his vocabulary is one less scream. But still, the tantrums happen. And, to those who don't know him, they look like a bratty little boy not getting his way. And his mom giving in to his needs, letting him "win". And sometimes, instead of screaming, he needs to cuddle with his mommy. And for the sake of his sister, who still has an hour's worth of animals she's excited to see, his mommy is willing to carry him for that hour.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Just that, I'm used to the comments and looks. I don't like them, but I understand how he appears. And as much as I would like this to be a perfect world where people don't judge and maybe consider that something they can't see is in effect. Well, that's just not the real world, is it? I do wonder why some people feel it's okay to share those judgements, though, I can't imagine why they think they would be appreciated, valued, or listened to.

But seriously, does this look like a brat to you?

My baby

2009-04-26T10:59:00.003-07:00

Three hours spent at the zoo.
The last hour spent with George in my arms.
A (well meaning, I'm sure) lady standing beside us, watching me shift his weight.
"How old is your son?" she asks.
At my answer (five), she addresses him in a fake, super-saccharine voice, "you're such a big boy, much too big for your mommy to carry."
Um, thanks but no thanks.
"He's fine", I answer, and walk away.

There are things you can't see, things you don't know.
No, he wasn't tired. When in an open area, he quickly scampered down and ran free.
But the zoo is a crowded place.
Full of nooks and crannies and people.
Look here! See that! What is it? What sound does it make?
Demands on his processing skills, assaults on his sensory perception.
Quite simply, after a couple of hours, he was full.
Overloaded even.
He found it difficult to focus on and enjoy the remaining animals, though they were some he had wanted to see.
A quick glance, a response of "yeah", and then his head returned to burrow in my neck, hands tucked between us.

So yes, I carried my five year old big boy for an hour.
And I loved every minute.

Even at almost 1,000 pounds, little boys need help from their mommas.

TV's not so bad

2009-04-18T13:50:00.002-07:00

As long as you're busy making robots while you're watching Robots.

George has always echoed and acted out scenes from the videos he watches. But I've noticed lately that he wants physical props. So, we pull out the Lego airplane when he's watching his airplane documentaries; play with the wind up submarine in the bathtub after watching boat documentaries; and this morning, we made several robots out of Tinkertoys while watching Robots. So much creativity going on around here lately, I love it!

Note to grandparents wondering what to get George for his birthday: We need more Tinkertoys!

2009-04-17T08:45:00.003-07:00

So much of my time is spent researching, advocating, and trying out new teaching/learning methods for George. Being sure that his IEP covers certain aids that will help him succeed in the classroom. Finding teachers and therapists willing to work with him one-on-one and getting feedback from them on the methods that work best. By law, educators have to help him be successful and put into place additional supports towards that goal.

But what about my "typical" child. I work with her at home on her homework, and in the classroom during her independent writing period. She's a smart girl. Recently she's begun working with a TAG pull-out program. But she's struggling. Some of it is the stress she puts on herself to achieve, some of it is the distraction of a busy classroom, and some of it is due to a more challenging program. And I feel bad. Because, you see, I went to the principal of her school and mentioned that she was bored with the textbook work. And our principal is a great one. Within a couple of weeks, a teacher was hired part-time to create and teach the pull-out program. And I'm grateful, but worried that I'm pushing my girl too hard.

I know she can do the work, but what wouldn't I give to create an Individualized Education Plan for her? That one-on-one instruction that helps George achieve, well, it sure would help Emma, too. And the extra time he's given when being tested (granted, pre-school testing is minimal), Emma could use it to gather her thoughts better. The headphones and blocked sight lines that help remove George's distractions, my easily distracted girl could REALLY use something like that.

It's a strange conundrum. Those of us with special needs kids work so HARD to be sure that they have every single support that they need. But our neuro-typical kids often need them, too. But because they're neuro-typical, they don't get them. Sometimes the fight for equal education isn't equal at all.

Emma has expressed interest in learning cursive handwriting. So I purchased a workbook, and this summer, we'll spend time working on it together. I'm hoping that over the course of the summer, I'll get a better grasp of her learning style. Because I am her support, her one-on-one, her therapist and teacher.

Easter cuteness

2009-04-13T15:15:00.002-07:00

Between my daughter's outfit and my son's chocolate-stuffed cheeks, it was almost a cuteness overload!

2009-04-07T16:28:00.003-07:00

Yesterday:

Click on photo group to go to the entire Flickr set

First horseback riding lessons.
Real cowboy (and cowgirl) boots.
Instructors and volunteers who know how to work with special needs kids.
Instructors and volunteers who understand that siblings are pretty special, too.
Saying, "Whoa".
Kicking with boot heels and making clicking noises.
Learning to trust a horse.
"Steering" it around obstacles.
Trotting!
Trying something new.
LOVING it!
Looking forward to the next lesson!

Band-Aids fix everything, words & kisses are better

2009-04-03T15:33:00.003-07:00

When George was younger, he went through a aggressive phase that was usually directed at Emma or me. Poor Emma had her hair pulled (completely out of her head usually) many times and we both were hit when he didn't want us close. Most often, this happened in the middle of too much stimulation and frustration. His verbal skills were very minimal and communication between us all was difficult. The one action that appeared to be very deliberate and that (luckily) was most often directed only at me, was scratching. Using his very sharp fingernails he would find a bare arm, occasionally a cheek or neck, and very purposefully dig a long scratch into my skin. Not a fun phase, I assure you.

He hasn't done anything like that in a long time. His school has taught him excellent coping and calming skills, and just having words available has relieved much of the pressure inside his head. By no means have the tantrums gone away completely, but they are non-violent and there is virtually no un-prevoked aggression. (Emma's no angel either, make no mistake.)

Today, he became very frustrated with me for daring to tell him that he had his zip-up sweatshirt on upside down and might have trouble zipping it. I know, what was I thinking? At one point, as I was stopping his flailing hands, I saw the lead up to a scratch. Strangely enough, it was fascinating to watch the process. His finger pointed and curved, and I watched his eyes looking at me and the war going on behind them. He knew what he was about to do and knew it was wrong, but was going to try it out. And I let him (drawing away slightly to minimize the damage). With quick but careful movements he swiped at me, scratching the surface of my neck. I didn't yell, but opened my eyes wide and gasped loudly at him. Immediately he stopped, pulled away, started crying and repeating the words, "I'm sorry, Mommy" over and over as he petted my neck gently.

I wish I could get into that brain of his. I watched it work today. I watched it struggle. Which part of the decision making process broke down and regressed? How does it feel to watch your body do something your brain knows is wrong?

As he began to calm down, he pulled me to the band-aid drawer to help "fix" me. I assured him that a kiss would be enough to heal the wound. And his sweet little boy kiss most definitely did fix my pain. I wish my kiss could do the same for his.

Confetti!

2009-04-02T08:11:00.003-07:00

I'm spending a lot of time lately going through old IEP/IFSP paperwork (the goals set by myself, George's teachers & therapists, and the school district), preparing for next year. I came across one from about a year and a half ago. George's Autism therapist gave us all kinds of exercises to do that would help strengthen his hand muscles.

To work on his fine motor skills.

To teach him how to use scissors.

I think he's got that skill down pat. Luckily his gross motor skills are doing great, he can help me run the vacuum this afternoon.

*************
Find out more information about Autism and ways to support the amazing Autistic members of your community. April is Autism Awareness month, and today is World Autism Awareness Day. Here are some sites and blogs where you can get information:

Autism(at)Change(dot)org
Autism Society of Oregon
Teen Autism
Spectrum Siblings

The last day of Spring Break

2009-03-30T18:21:00.003-07:00

Amazingly, we had a sunny day, so we jumped into the van and dashed off to the coast.

Bonus: having Monday off at the end of Spring Break is unusual, so we were nearly the only ones on the road and at the beach!

Extra bonus: we got there during Low Tide!!

We followed bubbles and tracks to find sea creatures.

And found some!

And pretended to be... something.

He said he was a sea spider. Not sure what that is, but heck, the kids have been watching a lot of ocean life documentaries these days, so it's probably real! His version consisted of crouching down, scurrying across the sand while wiggling his fingers, and (of course) jumping into the little tidal streams!

I'm so glad we spent the last day of Spring Break this way! We've had lots of grumpy days due to dreary weather and too much time spent indoors. Several hours of fresh air, sandy fingers, and marine discoveries washed the blahs away!

(All photos taken with my cell phone camera. Bad me forgetting my brand new high speed fancy camera!)

Northbound Train

2009-03-28T11:54:00.002-07:00

Spring Break in Oregon is rarely Spring-like, so you have to be fairly inventive with activities. Yesterday, I surprised the kids with not only a trip to see family in Salem, but a train ride to get there. No more expensive than a tank of gas, this was a really fun way to travel for all of us. We will definitely do it again!

We had a fun day of travel, trail exploring, bug hunting, pretend fishing, tree climbing, and farm animal watching (from the train). Then we came home, ate some dinner, and collapsed! We were all in bed early and slept in late this morning (Emma didn't wake up until ten!), can't get much better than that!

Lucky Girl

2009-03-17T10:06:00.004-07:00

What would St. Patty's Day be without a green post from this Irish/Scottish/German/Danish/English/American girl?

Green signs of love around my house:

A comfy (unmade) bed, surrounded by books.

"Let's talk to frog!" A phrase said every night at bedtime. One of the first situations where George started telling me about his day without prompting. It's much easier to tell a frog about your day than to tell Mom (less eye contact involved).

Imaginative toys. Both Jason and I love seeing Emma play with Legos and her new circuit board toy, she has such a great imagination!

Eternal hope. Gracie is going on eleven years old and yet, still can win at tug-of-war, every time.

Signs of spring. I love this lilac bush, seeing it sprout is worth all the rain we've been having.

These photos prove I'm a lucky girl. Also, because they were taken with my early birthday present. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

For Shasta & AJ & Claire & our other awesome teachers

2009-03-12T19:54:00.002-07:00

This drink's for you!!! Come by anytime!

Amazing news tonight at our monthly Autism Parent Support Group. The director of special education for our district attended to lay rest to all the rumors and give us the word for next year. Not only is the Autism program at our school NOT getting cut, it's being extended from a K through 2nd grade program to a K through 5th grade program!!!! AWESOME! This will take George through to middle school. (And we'll figure out that hurdle when we get there.)

Now, if we could find a way to keep Jason from deploying, all my stresses will float magically off my shoulders into the clouds. But heck, this is good enough for now! Both my kids will be at the same school next year. George will receive the excellent instruction that I know will take him to the next level. He will be with teachers and aides that I know, trust, and totally admire. (Hi AJ!) And I can continue to be an active volunteer at my favorite elementary school, no more travelling between schools and fighting for services!! Next year is looking up!

Birthday Fun

2009-03-11T16:55:00.004-07:00

We saw a lot of this face last weekend, I think she had fun. It's a cool chick who comes away from her birthday with a batch of gifts that includes: Webkinz, books, Legos, walkie talkies, clothes, lizards (plastic), Wii accessories, a circuit board toy, art supplies, and a variety of horse-themed items. Good haul, eh?

By the way, it did my heart good to see this happy face. A weekend full of belly laughs is just what we all needed.

Seuss Silliness

2009-03-07T09:02:00.003-08:00

Thank you for allowing me to wallow a bit (or a lot) the other day. We're gearing up for the deployment and everyone's as ready as can be. And I had several good conversations last night with other parents about the various school issues I'm having, and now I'm feeling much more empowered to deal with them.

Speaking of last night!

Emma's school hosts a Dr. Seuss carnival every year to kick off their Scholastic book fair, and every year it's a blast! Every classroom and the entire cafeteria and gymnasium are given over to crafts, games that earn you little prizes, book reading, and fun. It only lasts an hour, so it goes really fast, but the kids get pretty hyper during that time, so it's probably good that it ends when it does.

This morning, I have a pink haired, smudged cat faced little girl sitting here beside me. Counting the minutes until her party tomorrow (1727 left, in case you're curious). There are cupcakes to bake and goody bags to fill!

I'm Trying

2009-03-05T19:48:00.002-08:00

I try to use this blog as a place to post photos and stories of my beautiful children. Frustrations with their growing pains and celebrations of their successes. My family reads these words, and many friends, some I've met in person, some I only know in the virtual world. I gain so much inspiration from all of them. I try to return the favor here with my little bits of knowledge, micro-bursts of creativity.

But, as I so dramatically mentioned in the last post, there are a lot of stresses in my world right now. And I'm not taking any photos, and not writing down those little successes; though I should, because they are happening. I'm trying really hard to keep upbeat. Here in this space, at home for my little kiddos, out and about in front of my friends. For me, keeping upbeat means keeping busy, and BOY HOWDY am I busy!

I know, I know, this is all totally maudlin. I know the symptoms and feelings of depression and I am exercising and keeping busy to keep that at bay. But I am tired. And I am worried. And sad.

I've had numerous meetings with teachers, directors, and principals. More to come.
I've heard rumors that the fantastic autism program we hope to enroll George in next year is losing it's funding. Not sure what our back-up plan will be.
Two of Emma's closest friends are moving (okay, okay, one is her boyfriend). I'm trying to help her through that.
Oh, and planning her two birthday parties.
After Spring Break, Jason's unit deploys. Three people from his office are leaving early, wanna guess who's in that advance group?

So, I'm tired. Dreaming of running away to a little cabin in the woods with a pile of books, multiple cartons of ice cream, and maybe a teddy bear. But that won't happen, so I think I'll get some emotions out of my system and have a good cry instead! Want to join me?

Let's watch Phenomenon or maybe Bridge to Terabithia.
Extreme Makeover Home Edition anyone?
This song is beautiful, haunting, and so very sad when contemplating spending the next holiday season without daddy.
And I know I've read many, many books that have made me cry, but I have to make a confession: These days, I'm pretty much only reading what I call "brain candy". Give me a good (or heck, it doesn't even have to be good) historical romance novel and I'm happy.

So that's it. I truly am trying to capture the good moments and get 'em gathered to put up here on this blog. Tomorrow is the culmination of Dr. Seuss week at the school, so we'll be going to a really fun Seuss-filled carnival in the evening. I can guarantee lots of great photos, and it will be a good break from the everyday.

THEN? It's all birthday, all the time!! My girl turns EIGHT!!! Mass amounts of sugar will be consumed!! Wahoo!!!!

Crash

2009-02-26T09:42:00.002-08:00

Ever been in one of those moments in life where everything seems SO HARD and SO MUCH? During rational moments, you can step back and see that, no, there's nothing so bad going on. Just a whole bunch of little things, minor stresses, decisions, phone calls to make, errands to run, stuff taking over the brain. But it's enough to keep you from sleeping and enough to make you cranky? Yeah, I'm there.

When life gets like this, the strange solution for me is to get busier. Not with those phone calls and errands, but with my kids. Because when I get cranky, I lose any semblance of patience I might otherwise have. And they pay the price with sarcasm, a raised voice, and snapped answers. None of which they deserve. So, when they come home from school, I make myself get off of this computer, find some new activities and crafts, and put our grungy clothes on so we can go for a walk in the rain. And I try to give extra hugs, to cushion the crankiness.

There are what feels like 5,000 little stories to tell here on this blog o'mine. But my brain filter is clogged. So here are the titles of a few of those blog entries, since I can't seem to focus long enough to write anything further:

My oldest child is turning eight, so that makes me: old.
Wii Fit: Is kicking my virtual behind.
I love the rain, but must it make mud for my 2 kids, 2 cats, and 1 dog to track through my kitchen?
Discipline or discrimination? ...not ready to talk about this one yet.
A clean house would be lovely, going to bed early is lovelier.
Did I mention Emma's turning eight? Sigh.

Awesome

2009-02-22T19:50:00.002-08:00

I wouldn't have guessed that we ALL would have so much fun. But there is something magical in seeing your child's dream come true.

As you can see, the blue headphones came in handy once again. We had great seats in the balcony closest to the stage. We could have been down in the orchestra seats right up front, but I felt that would be overwhelming for George, and these seats were perfect. We could see slightly offstage, so whenever Thomas was waiting in the wings, George could see him. There was much excitement, shouting, and even dancing. He even did well when the show was over. There was a very definite ending, with the actors all waving good-bye to the audience, so he understood that it was time to go.

Totally worth the money, and yet another example of how much he can handle when we give him new opportunities.

Oh boy...

2009-02-20T21:10:00.002-08:00

Check out our schedule for Saturday afternoon:

Thomas & Friends Live! On Stage

If you don't hear from me on Sunday, assume that I've been trampled by hoards of preschoolers.

I apologize...

2009-02-19T09:19:00.001-08:00

My dear traffic companions,

I deeply apologize for daring to go straight through the intersection. From the lane that goes straight. Yes, you behind me, I realize that technically, I could have turned right on red. If I had wanted to turn right. Your impassioned hand gestures certainly demonstrated that possibility and my obligation to do so. But I failed you. I'm sorry.

And to you, too, driver in the oncoming left hand turn lane. I should have known that you would turn left directly in front of me as soon as the light turned green. After all, I was supposed to turn right, not go straight, as established above. Obviously, you had been communicating with the driver behind me and thought that his message had convinced me of my true path. I'm sorry if it was inconvenient to slam on the brakes inches before we met head on. I know it was for me and my children, I'm sure your cell phone was equally upset.

In the future, I will endeavor to more adequately indicate my intended route of travel. Until an "I'm not turning" signal can be designed, please assume that I will be going straight through the intersection of Garfield and 7th. From the straight lane.

Thank you.

On Emma's mind...

2009-02-18T16:43:00.003-08:00

Swimming tonight, lots of people there in the winter, a hard thing for a shy girl.
Missing her neighbor friend, there are bugs to find and no one to find them with.
Subtraction & multiplication.
Her boyfriend is moving in 20 days.
Her best friend is moving in 2 months.
Daddy is leaving for a year.
George screams when she gets bossy, and they both spend time in their rooms.

Sometimes life isn't fair.

But then...
Sometimes you get McDonald's twice in one week.
Maybe a friend from school will be at the pool tonight.
Math homework for the week is finished.
Playing tag in PE, totally the best part of school, EVER.
When the sun is shining, Mom relaxes the whole "wear a jacket" rule.

And life rolls along.

Weekend Happenings and Non-happenings

2009-02-17T16:01:00.004-08:00

Monday was spent Standing for the Children in front of the Capital building with teachers, parents, students, and legislators. And then a trip up the freeway to IKEA with the girls. I was away from the family from 10 am to 7 pm, completely unreal!!! Lots of fun, but I was exhausted by the time I got home and, crazy as it sounds, I missed that family of mine!

Speaking of my family, this is how they spend their afternoons on semi-warm winter days:

Yeah, we're a classy family. Not everyone can brag about their chains-on-the-tires, red-wagon-towing tractor fun!

Words

2009-02-04T15:40:00.002-08:00

I have, on several different occasions, mentioned George's "regular" preschool that he attends in the afternoons with "typical" kids. The teachers there are fabulous and the director bends over backward to make that school a successful learning (and social) environment for Geoge. We don't see her everyday; but when we do pass in the hallway, she always stops what she's doing, crouches down to George's level, initiates eye contact, and says "hello". Most times, with prompting, George will mumble-echo a "hello" back as he pushes on toward his classroom. When he's on his way somewhere and/or within a routine, it's VERY difficult to pull his attention elsewhere. Head down, feet on auto-pilot, he barrels on toward his goal.

Yesterday, as we entered the building, the director exited the lunchroom at the end of the hall, beyond his classroom. A hallway packed with parents waiting to pick up kids from the morning class or drop off George's classmates. Before I had even seen her, George spotted Lee (the director) and, at the top of his lungs, yelled, "HI LEE!!" The crowd of parents giggled and "awww'ed", Lee dashed over to George and knelt down to give him a hug, and I died.

The changes, they are coming.

As for my girl? She's entering a very mysterious phase.

Today, I had a short discussion with her teacher, making sure that she and her boyfriend weren't causing any distractions in class with their "relationship".

And then I died.

2009-01-30T11:27:00.002-08:00

Both boys went to the barber today. Though I've been cutting George's hair with clippers for months now, this was the first time he'd allow someone else to do it. An even bigger deal for him is the cape he let the barber put on him! He hates things like that, especially when they make him feel constrained, but he sat still and let it all happen!

You've got to love those faces in the last two photos. He's not crying in the last one, just trying to vibrate hair off of his lips, LOL!! Good job, little man!