Monday, December 01, 2008

HTBTMMITW - Chapter 34

(How To Be The Meanest Mommy In The World) - Ch. 34:

Everyone knows that your dearest darling child is the sweetest, most honest child ever made. No need to worry about that. After all, you created that child and your family lives in a blissful bubble of happiness. Why ever would there be a need for exaggeration or falsehood? But, on the off chance that the aforementioned child should be under the impression that home is a far better place than the primary color filled land of learning, and is struck by a strange (and floating) ailment, perhaps you will need the following short, but easy to implement, lesson.

Be Boring

Take your dearest darling child home from school at the earliest opportunity. Place that child lovingly into his or her bedroom with plenty of books and dolls, but no television. After all, too much television can intensify many strange (and floating) ailments, and we wouldn't want to run that risk. Inform the child that they will not be (a) spending the day at grandma's, (b) laying on the couch eating ice cream, or (c) playing with the home schooled neighbor child. Letting possibly contagious ailments into the public airspace could have disastrous effects! Be sure the child is comfortable in their room, as they will be spending the remainder of the day within.

If done properly, all mysterious ailments are often cured with an unusual rapidity. Your dearest darling child will be ready, and excited for, a return to school the following day. If done extremely well, with plenty of details given to the child as to the dearth of choices, your sweet little angel may even choose to return to his or her class within a couple of hours!

Good luck, future Meanest Mommies in the World! You will prevail!


Karen Bowers said...

go mean mommy! well done!

CC said...

Yeah, Professor X should have read this a few weeks ago. I had to "teach him" how to treat a "sick" child that came home from school early.

Anonymous said...

You qualify for a "Baddest Mommy Blogger Award". You can pick one up at my site, if you like.

I might have to come by here more than once a back to work!

scrapgeek said...

Tee hee - they may think they are clever - but they forget that once we were kids too. I always tell my boys that they are very lucky to have a mean mummy (so far they don't agree) :)