Thursday, November 06, 2008

The comfort of home

Every morning, when he first awakens, George looks out his window.
This is his favorite view.

George's favorite view
Two vehicles in the driveway = Daddy is home.

Jason's schedule has been highly erratic for the last couple of weeks and will continue to be so through November. He's working most weekends, traveling all over the state, so he takes random weekdays off to compensate. While we had gotten fairly used to him being away, this irregular schedule has been hard. The kids miss him. I miss him.

He and I pride ourselves on our communication skills. So much of our relationship has been long distance, that I suppose we feel like we've mastered it. But when you have a very busy husband, doing all kinds of big and varied things; and you are a very busy mom, doing all kinds of little (but important!) and varied things; it seems it's easy to lose our common ground. Which was becoming obvious this week as we spoke on the phone, and even more so when he came home last night for a 36 hour visit.

So, how to find it again?

You can be like me, and go the passive aggressive route. Slump around the house with tightly controlled emotions and use as few words as possible. Answer questions politely, but without affection. Say, "I'm fine", "Everything's fine", "I'm just busy/tired/thinking/distracted", in response to every inquiry. Wait for the visit to be over so you can get back to being grumpy about him being gone again.

Or, you can be like Jason, and force the issue. Say the dreaded words, "We need to talk", triggering flashbacks to drama-filled high school days. Ask, "What's wrong", and don't accept a generic (i.e. false) answer. Pull out the details and share your own. Find the common ground. Hug.

I'm glad you're home, J, even if it is only for one day. This house isn't home without you in it.

Me reflected by you


Chookooloonks said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

Happy Love Thursday!


Beth said...

oh good golly, are you trying to make me cry? I've cried enough this week. I don't need this emotional stuff to make me cry again!


Too late.

(sniff, sniff)

Liz McCoy said...


loonyhiker said...

Communication is definitely the key to a long lasting marriage. That is how hubby and I have made it for 26 years. I also found this blog the other day and thought you might enjoy it:

Kyla said...

Such a beautiful post. I feel your pain . . . my own works full time at the hospital, has a full time class schedule and is working on our home addition the remaining hours of his time. It's hard being a "single" parent, sometimes. HOWEVER, this too, shall pass! My heart goes out to you.

Dave said...

Man, that's hard to read. Good for you (and Jason) for pushing through the silence.

Anonymous said...

remember when you say "FINE"
F = Fouled up
I = Insecure
N = Neurotic
E = Emotionally unavailable