Wednesday, June 18, 2008

On the brink

The last day of first grade. Totally excited, yet doing a lot of thinking this morning.

Emma and I have had some ups & downs this year. Lots of struggles, trying to find a balance of needs between (or rather, encompassing) her and her brother. Other people tell me what a delightful, polite little girl she is and I look at them, thinking, "I don't know who you see, because at home a crazed, attitude filled monster takes over." And then she comes to me for a cuddle, or to share her excitement over her plants, or giggling about some silly joke. And I see that she's just a little girl. And that I'm expecting her to be more. More responsible, less childlike. How crazy is that?

She has the double pressure of being my oldest child and the older sister of a special needs brother. And here, in this picture, I see that. The other pictures I took this morning show her jumping up and down, totally thrilled about summer vacation. But this one speaks to me more. It shows her thoughtful side. The slightly insecure posture. The little girl on the brink of growing up out of childhood. It is my goal this summer to remember that she's still a child. A beautiful, talented, smart, silly, happy, loving child.

Who, as of 11:45 today, will be a second grader. Yikes.


Beth Nixon said...

What a post . . . it has me crying.

I need to remember this for BOTH kids as I'm expecting so much of them right now. I just may need to print this out and put it over my desk . . . (sigh)

melody is slurping life said...

Emma is beautiful, and so is this photo. It really does speak.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Meg - you always say things so clearly! I also have the desire for Aidan to be so independent (and he is really for a four year old!) because I worry so much over Liam's speech delay. I know Aidan feels so left out - and ... crap. I can't even say what I mean - you did that for me. Thanks. :)
And Emma's photo is just so gorgeous! GREAT SHOT!

loonyhiker said...

I love the picture. It makes you wonder what she is thinking. I think every oldest sibling is expected to be more responsible and mature, whether they have a special needs sibling or not. It goes with the territory. It is great that you try to find balance in your lives because you realize how this is affecting her. You are a good parent.